When a Community goes from Helpful to Harmful for Trauma Survivors

We all have a place where we feel at home, where we can go for advice, to have fun, to perfect skills. What happens when a community you rely on becomes an uncomfortable place? What if you relied on that community for support? What do you do without it? Because of these questions, trauma suffered in a community has to be addressed uniquely.

This series aims to explore what healing from trauma suffered within a group setting can look like. It will explore several areas including, but not limited to, religious settings, athletic settings, academic settings, and even friend groups.

Religion 

A religious or spiritual community is important to many as a place of faith or support. So when that community becomes a chronically hostile place due to abuse occurring within it, it can be a difficult blow to recover from. As put by Restoration Counseling in Seattle, leaving a faith community “is a decision that shakes the foundation of who you are and who you’ve always believed you were supposed to be. In many ways, it can feel like starting over.” Like other abusive environments, there is a unique trauma in losing or choosing to leave a community that has become antagonistic.

So how do you move on once you’ve decided that it is better for your wellbeing to cut ties with your old spiritual community? How do you find a new community so that, if it applies, you can use that community for support in your healing? There are several suggestions that can act as a guide to recovering from faith-based abuse outlined in Recovering From Churches that Abuse:

A great place to start is with “exit counseling”. It is counseling specific to the abuse that is suffered while practicing faith. Exit counseling helps in processing the abuse that occurred, as well as preparing survivors to potentially rejoin a different community. Additionally, Spiritual Abuse Resources makes it clear that trust is a major factor in recovering from spiritual abuse. Forming, or being aware of boundaries in the new community is also a key part of the process of relearning trust. Boundaries are always important in any situation, but being aware of what will make you uncomfortable in a place like a tight-knit spiritual community, so establish limits whenever needed. Counseling is a great medium in which to learn all these skills.

What follows is grieving and redefining purpose. You have lost a community. An integral of yourself has been removed from your life. But survivors may also just now be realizing other opportunities they have missed out on in the past. Survivors of religious abuse can often experience a crisis of faith, as experiences with faith will have been a source of anguish. Acknowledging that loss may be vital to moving on to redefining your faith for the future.

Finally, moving on. This is where spiritual abuse recovery runs parallel to recovery from other abusive environments. Looking for a new faith community, finding a new career, starting a new chapter of your life can all help survivors move on. Unfortunately, while resources & programs are few for survivors of people who have experienced abuse in religiously affiliated spaces, general counseling can still assist in leading survivors to take charge of their own lives for the future.

Finding yourself after experiencing religious abuse can be taxing and confusing. Certain factors make faith-based abuse unique, while other aspects show the similarities between other forms of abuse. How to approach recovery should change accordingly, but regardless, with time and effort, people who have experienced faith-based abuse can grow and thrive beyond their experiences with that abuse, rediscovering their faith along the way.

https://www.restorationcounselingseattle.com/religious-trauma-transitions

https://www.spiritualabuseresources.com/articles/guidelines-for-spiritually-abused-persons

http://www.reveal.org/development/Recovering_from_Churches_that_Abuse.pdf